Faith
The other day, Tisereh found a lump in her breast. We'll need to go get it checked in about 10 days. I'm currently sitting in a bus, on a train to Dublin and I'm such a mess. The past couple of days have been some of my worst. I've been worried sick, so much anxiety. Nothing I check online makes me feel any better, and for some reason, Tisereh is looking pretty calm in all this and so I can't even put on the full extent of my fear and worry around her, since someone will need to be the calm one. Honestly, this is really tough, I'm worried so much I want to cry. I'm thinking and I realised how much so far this year, my biggest concern has been how to make money. That has been the most concerning thing in my mind, and sitting in this bus here and the past couple of days, I've realised how insignificant all of that is. Or any other worry tbh. They all pale in comparison to this. The other day I casually mentioned to Tisereh that she's the most important thing that happened to me.i know she didn't take me seriously, I wouldn't too. But boy is that true. She's without a doubt the best thing that's happened to me. I have an amazing life shared with the best person ever, and God has blessed us with a wonderful son. I have not counted my blessings intentionally recently. I've not considered how amazing everything else even the littlest things are. There's a lovely sun shining in the Dublin skies and I'm thinking of how much I could enjoy this without this worry. I'm constantly reminded of the lump each time I smile, each time I laugh. Whatever I do. Everything is put into perspective and nothing else really matters. I just want Tisereh to be okay, for the lump to be harmless and benign and for us to recieve a good report of clean health when we see the doctor. I know and trust that God is able to, and will do it.
I'm writing this as an act of faith. I'm writing it because I want to come back to it after we have received our miracle and found the lump to be benign. We, and I especialy, forget a lot. But I don't want to forget this feeling. I think it's important to realise how much I worried. How much I feared. How much it reminded me to put things in perspective. How much Tisereh means to me. That woman is my life. I want to remember how I prayed and asked God for a miracle. I want to remember how God answered. Amen.