2024
2024 was an interesting year. One of those where a lot happens and yet feels like nothing happened. Feels like January 1st was just last week.
Haven't done a yearly retro in quite a while. Maybe more than 7 years when I wrote more. It's good though, I think I should do this more. I think I should write more. If anything to live more through the moment. To experience it. One habit I've always been interested in making consistent is that of retrospection. Of my days, my week, my year. I think it's very easy to live life on a whim, aware of its many challenges and delights but having just a passive feeling of them. Like life's happening and its sort of a big deal but yeah, we move. And all the interesting things, all the crazy, all the things that make life life just seem ordinary, cos we never paused to reflect, to feel. Just like that 10 years have passed, and 20, and one is 70 years old and looks back and realises a lot happened, but it wasn't really lived.
Feels like the year started with Edinburgh. I mean that happened in February but it feels like the beginning because it kind of shaped everything that happened afterwards. So yeah, we found out we were expecting a baby, we moved, got a car, and then October and I got laid-off at Grain. I look back at that experience with some feeling of regret that I knew it was coming but didn't prepare well enough. It's a feeling of irresponsibility which is worse when I knew it was coming.
It's been an interesting time since then with applying and the humbling feeling that comes with interviewing knowing for maybe one of the first times in my adult life that I need the job cos I need the money. I have a family I need to take care of. It's also an interesting feeling because I kind of realise it's an important part of my education as a man. It's an important feeling to experience. The feeling of knowing I'm responsible for my very own people and yet potentially at the mercy of time, of chance. It's the lack of a job, lack of good savings, broke-ness and watching the remaining money evaporate, thinking about settlement, all while having a new family I feel entirely responsible for. It all sounds not ideal at all and even terrible, but I don't really feel that way. I mean there's some fear but there's a feeling of hope I have as well. First of all, I'm grateful for the experience and I know people have gone through and are going through similar and even worse. There's also the feeling that I trust God that things will align, and align well, that I'll look back and be thankful for how God favoured and blessed us. But before then it's important to have this retro, to feel this moment. To think through how uncertain and fearful it is, but also how somewhat exciting it feels. I know I'm learning and I've learned a lot, I hope I remember this to remember just how awesome God is when things get better, but to also remember the lessons I'm taking from this experience. I'm at the mercy of time and chance but also grace, and I'm learning to actually feel at the mercy of God's grace and favour.
2024 was eventful. I became K's father. I'm still married to my best person. Family is doing great, and even though some things are currently not ideal, God is good. Looking forward to writing a follow-up post to this at the end of 2025.